It just seems like yesterday I was welcoming 2010.  Now, it’s almost Christmas and then we welcome 2011.  After that, 2012, the year that the word is supposed to end.  For the moment,  I’m not thinking about 2012 that much.  I mean, yeah, if it comes around, the world blows up, and I”m still not a published author than I will probably have lots of regrets and wonder what the heck I did with my life.  I’m not really in a place to question that right now.  I mean, if anything I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last couple of months.  Yes, I do have a problem with the fact that I’m not writing.  I also am not liking the fact that  another Christmas is almost here and my brilliant idea of giving everyone my first novel is out the window yet again.

However, I am at peace.

Why am I at peace?  Well, I now know that when I’m in full blown practical programming mode, my brain is still being creative and coming up with solutions that people don’t think are possible. I’ve had a friend drill it in my head this month that I may be one of the slowest programmers on the planet, which admittedly I am, but what I come up with works, works like it should, and probably some of the securest code they’ve seen.  That’s saying a lot when you consider that I failed Turbo Pascal in college three times and all that I know about PHP / MySQL  is self-taught.

If I can be brilliant in something that difficult for me, like programming, I wonder, just wonder how good I can be in something I love to do, like writing.  Especially when I stop listening to all the doubts, negative  comparisons, woulda, shoulda, could haves, and other crap that swirls around my head.  It something I really need to seriously consider, especially when I don’t want to have another year pass me by and be in the same place with my writing that I am now.