I’d like to apologize to the 15 agents / publishers who I tortured with my ideas and the countless people I boasted to. You probably don’t remember me and that’s good. I don’t want to remember me. Especially because of the junk I tried to get published.

I’ve been working on my first two books for the last few weeks, trying to see how much effort was needed to salvage them and publish the Stars of Heros series in somewhat of a proper order. Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that I probably need to take at least six months, if not a year or two to get them ready.  The only thing I really had was the ideas and even some of those were questionable. The dialogue was terrible and the descriptions non-existence. A perfect example of my favorite expression of “What was I thinking? Was I even thinking?”

That brings me back to Legend. According to the writing books, I’ve been reading and the ideas I’ve been incorporating into my writing from them, that story is not even ready to go. But the novel is definitely the strongest candidate for publishing by far.

I really want to publish something, anything, by the end of the year. And no, this has nothing to do with the doomsday predictions that everyone has going on for December. Frankly, I don’t believe the world is going to come crashing down around us then. In fact, I found a website that called 2012 Hoax that attempts to defuse and debunk all the hype.

The one thing we do have to watch out for is all the fear and paranoia that the information and misinformation that is out there is creating . . .  But this isn’t the appropriate venue for a very long rant on that subject, so I’ll cut myself short with the friendly advice to check multiple sources and not take the first thing that you hear on a subject as the absolute truth.

Yes, I am scared of dying because I don’t like the idea of being dead without having done something to make my life meaningful. Meaningful to me is making an impact on people’s lives. I’ve been told that I’ve done this for a few people over the years. But I want to do something that makes a lot of people stop and think, even if only for a moment. And to me, my writing is the vehicle to do just that. My words are the expression of my spirit, my soul, and who I am. I’ve tried to share some of that through this blog. But the novels paint an even bigger and bolder picture than I could ever do here. At least, I’d like to think they do.

The reason that I want to publish by the end of the year can be summed up by this passage from one of my books:

Stop, the voice inside me commanded. How many more times are you going to run away?

As many times as necessary, I shot back.

Really? And how many more years will you waste?

I hated when my inner voice made sense. I had lost track of how many times I had told myself that I would do something small one day to ease my uncontrollable, but somewhat founded, fear of horses and then found some lame excuse to put off the task until the next day. The next day became two, three, then a week. Soon a month, then a year and another.

Six frigging years had flown by as a result.

In my case, the fear has nothing to do with horses, but being perfect in my writing and finding my inner voice.  And, for me, it’s not six years, but twenty-three years, if you count my first copyright date, and twenty-six, if you count the year that I started writing my first book.

No one knows when they are going to die or how, but it’s certain that we only have a finite time on this planet. I’m tired of wasting mine.