There is a scene in Star Trek IV, where Amanda asks Spock, “How do you feel?” He says some answer that starts her off on a tirade about logic. The movie goes on and in the end, Spock says to Sarek, “Tell Mother, I feel fine.”
I’m not sure how I feel.
At 12:38 this afternoon after pulling an all nighter, I emailed Spirit of the Lone Horse to the publisher. Was it perfect? In terms of content, having chapters and being nicely formatted, yes. Grammar, sentence structure, and spelling, maybe not so much. Most of the chapters are polished, but a few weren’t. I was working up to the last moment I sent it.
Right now, the only thing that I know is that I’m tired and empty. Tired because I had to pull an all nighter to get it done. Empty, not in the dark sink hole kind of way, more like a peaceful one.
I have finally have a completed book that isn’t going to sit on a computer, but actually be in other’s people’s hand, one day. I’ve learned I have a voice and what it sounds like. That I can be frustrated and respectful, and not have to apologize for either. People are going to think what they think, do what they are going to do, but as long as I am true to myself, their opinion and judgement should not control me. Guide, inform, and help me, yes. Dictate what I do, no.
Stars of Heros has been a big part of my life for a while now. Even when I wasn’t writing, I was stewing on ideas. I can still do most of that to a certain degree. I have plenty of ideas to jot down, characters to flesh out, and reference material to write. But sitting down and writing a book is kind of out right now. Until I know what changes the publisher wants in the manuscript, I really have no foundation upon which to lay the other books. Even the 26th century ones are affected.
I could try to write something else. But that’s a dangerous proposition. After all, I started with a simple horse story and ended up with a lifelong adventure. Besides, I have plenty of other work to do. I have to keep up with and continue building my social media network, there are four domain names related to the series that need websites, and even my non-series sites need work. Then, of course, there is the matter of work itself. After all, I do need to support myself and pay all my bills.
I think, for now, I just feel content and ready to face whatever the next step in this process and journey might be.